i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
