I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
