I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We are two peas in an std pod
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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