I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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