maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
