I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
