He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
