Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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