A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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