let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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