You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
