he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize