He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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