I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
