I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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