Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
