She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
