Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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