You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
