wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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