How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize