I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
