I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
