he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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