hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
