i just wanna soil my oats bro
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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