I hate your face
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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