why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hippo gnu deer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
