how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
