forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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