I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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