I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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