Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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