Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
