Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
