I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
