I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
