I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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