Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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