Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
