Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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