Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
