this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You're like the curious george of whores
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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