Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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