It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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