I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
now i know why i became what i already was.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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