We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
