I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
