Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize