we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
