i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
