how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
