i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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