Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize