I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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