do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
