so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
