Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
