all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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