Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
