He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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