my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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