well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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