I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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