When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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