so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
