Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
