I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
