nutella sex= disaster
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
